This book in two words says "Tell me your anxiety and I'll tell you what to do".

The word "stress" is not a noun, like the word "shoes" or the word "bicycle". Unless you see some stress going around your neighborhood or your home, in which case, we'll have to take you somewhere... If "stress" isn't essential, then what is? It is materialization. It is the result of a process called anxiety (or anxiety) and is a verb. Anxiety and phobias are one thing, fear is another, as we read from the book by G. Pinteris.

Sexual performance anxiety

A key difference that exists between men and women is erection. In men, stimulation results in an erection. This is something obvious. In women arousal does not produce such an obvious indication. Therefore, a woman who has no arousal, if she "must" respond, can function sexually without her lack of arousal being noticed. On the other hand, when a man does not have an erection, no matter how much he wants to function, he cannot. Sexual anxiety occurs in both sexes, but in different forms. Here we will look at the most common forms of stress in men and women separately. We'll start with the men.

Male sources of sexual stress

Inability to have intercourse

In men the most common form has to do with what we call "secondary sexual impotence". While when he is alone and masturbates he has no problem with an erection, when he is with a woman he is unable to have an erection. Performance anxiety, according to the book, prevents him from feeling arousal which is the basic condition to create an erection.

Antidote

The main problem here is the self observation. Instead of focusing on the sexual stimulus in front of him, he focuses on… his penis. That is, while he looks and touches the naked woman next to him, he does not see her because his mind is focused on the thought of whether he will succeed, that is, on a stimulus that is not sexual. Something similar happens to the student who... tries to study. His eyes are on the text, but his mind is on the fellow student he likes. Self-observation is paralyzing. Attention is like the lens of a searchlight. If you enter a pitch-dark room, where you turn the lens, you will see what it illuminates. But if you turn him to your eyes, you will go blind. This is self-observation.

To deal with this situation you will need a preliminary work. Create with a woman with whom there is a mutual attraction, an emotional relationship that will one day allow you to feel comfortable and share your problem with her. To create such a relationship you need more listening than talking. When she talks to you about something personal, listen carefully and empathetically.

When you are familiar with each other and feel safe with her, talk to her about your problem. Tell her what feelings and problems you are experiencing with this difficulty. The objective is to manage to sleep one night together.

This can be done on a weekend trip at a relatively close distance. After all, your objective is not... tourism. It is possible that just with the intimacy that has developed between you, when you go to sleep at night (meaning in a double bed) you will be able to function. But even if that doesn't happen, you'll fall asleep at some point. And here is a valuable piece of information: Men, when we sleep, every 90 minutes we see a dream, even if we don't remember it. At the same time, regardless of the content of the dream, we have an erection. In a six-hour sleep, this phenomenon will occur four times. Either of you will take everything for granted. So an act of love can occur effortlessly and naturally.

But, even if nothing like that happens, just the fact that your partner witnessed your erection relieves you of the stress of proof. If you choose to treat stress with psychotherapy, according to Ashley Olivine, Ph.D. (2021) it would be better to choose a Gnostic. In my opinion, a trained (and not just a registered) sex therapist would be equally suitable. He also recommends systematic training in Yoga which, as I mentioned in the previous chapter, is helpful in reducing any stress. Finally, Ashley also focuses on the couple's communication. In other words, the problem is not only the man's, but the relationship's. Having both partners discuss this issue openly helps reduce stress because it facilitates understanding between sexual partners. It may even lead them to find common ways of coping.

Premature ejaculation anxiety

The man who has a premature ejaculation problem also has performance anxiety, as we see in the book. At this point, I open a parenthesis: My point is that the problem of premature ejaculation is not individual, but binary. If the man systematically ejaculates before the woman has time to have an orgasm, then the couple has a premature ejaculation problem. Time doesn't matter. A man can cum in 30 seconds. If his wife has an orgasm at 29 seconds, the couple has absolutely no problem! But if he ejaculates at three minutes, but his wife has an orgasm at 4 minutes, then the couple has premature ejaculation problem.

Antidotes

We'll start with the example just mentioned:

From the time of penetration, even if a man ejaculates in 3 minutes and then gradually loses his erection, as a result of which his partner stays in the cold of the bathroom and has nerves. In fact, she is angry that her husband does not go to a specialist for this matter.

The point is that, with these data, we don't know how long after penetration his partner would have had an orgasm. One to have in 4 and another in 8 minutes. In the event that he knows from previous experiences how much this time is approximately, things become simpler. She informs her partner that she has an orgasm at 5 minutes and they cover the two minute gap with the preliminaries. It is also good that the woman has the responsibility of the penetration. That is, not to let him enter her until she feels ready. But if he does not know the time, they will go searching following the following path:

As is known, the point in the human body with the most nerve endings is the clitoris. The first time the man gently stimulates the clitoris either by hand or orally and does this for 2 minutes. Then comes penetration. If with intercourse the woman manages to have an orgasm, then the problem is solved. Needs clitoral stimulation for at least 2 minutes. If an orgasm does not occur the next time they spend 3 minutes stimulating the clitoris and increase this time until they find this time difference.

In addition to penetration

As mentioned in the book, Annamarya Scaccia (2022) collected the most common ways to deal with premature ejaculation stress. First he mentions premature ejaculation wipes which reduce sensitivity at the tip of the penis. These wipes contain benzocaine, a local anesthetic that blocks the sodium channels that cause sensation in the penis. A small study done in 2007 showed that participants who used these wipes for at least 2 months experienced less discomfort associated with intercourse. The majority of participants also ejaculated after the 2-minute time period typical of premature ejaculation. However, they also have side effects, so it is better for the prospective user to discuss this with their doctor.

Like the wipes, many over-the-counter topical anesthetic creams contain a numbing agent that can slow down premature ejaculation by reducing sensitivity and delaying it climax. The cream should be applied to the penis 10 to 15 minutes before sex to be more effective. Something similar can be done with lidocaine spray.

There are also "climax control" condoms. In general, condoms can reduce sensitivity and prevent a man from ejaculating early. But there are also climax control condoms available over the counter that are either made of a thicker latex material or contain a numbing agent intended to delay orgasm and ejaculation. Of course, in my opinion all this reduce enjoyment, but I have to mention it.

Annamarya Scaccia (2022) also mentions nutritional supplements to control premature ejaculation. He mentions zinc supplements as the first. Zinc not only supports the immune system and cell growth, but can also help produce testosterone which in some cases can slow down premature ejaculation. Zinc is one of the most natural remedies for men living with low testosterone. Although not always sufficient in every case, 220 mg of zinc sulfate twice a day for 1 to 4 months is often recommended.

It is important to note that more is not always better, especially with supplements. Taking too much zinc can cause: Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, kidney and stomach damage, and a metallic taste in the mouth. In general, any such supplement should be used in conjunction with a physician.

Scaccia then mentions both Ayurvedic and Chinese herbal medicine. Ayurveda is the traditional healing system of India. It relies on thousands of herbs to treat everything from diabetes to inflammation. A 2017 study found that men who used Ayurvedic medicine saw a slight increase in the time it took to ejaculate during sex. Chinese herbal medicine delayed ejaculation by 2 minutes.

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